The most important thing here is to stay calm and patient. You both have gone through some astronomical changes, and even though we think we’re prepared for them, we’re not.
I had some eerily similar experiences when my kids were that age. I felt like everything was my fault, I was never good enough, never helped or cleaned enough, etc. My wife wanted to be Mary Poppins, but at that stage she was lucky if she could simply get a few hours of sleep.
You have to find a way to take the pressure off. She feels that pressure to be Mary Poppins. I know in times of Covid it seems impossible, but you both need time to yourselves. Take shifts or find a babysitter. It’s mentally exhausting to be depended on all the time, and eventually resentment will creep in.
It seems like she’s lashing out because she’s lost, too. You both are. Nobody knows how to do what you’re doing right now.
You both have to be patient and realize that mountains today will be molehills tomorrow. It changes so fast in those first few years that before you figure it out it will be in the past.
You both need to let go your expectations of what you thought parenthood would be. Talk to a doctor or a therapist together or separately. Self-care is a buzzword, but that doesn’t mean it’s worthless.
Whatever you do, don’t give up. It will get better.
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