Member-only story
I’m The Shittiest Employee
Because I‘d rather be writing
Everyone remembers the movie Office Space, the late 90s Mike Judge joint about the torture of working in tech before the “2000 switch.” You could even take out the 90s and make it about basically any time period set in an office and get the same result.
What? You’ve never seen it? I don’t even know you anymore. I’m afraid our relationship has come to its inevitable end unless you go watch it now.
It’s everything that sucks about the corporate world. Cubicles, cold fluorescent lights, having 8 bosses, and an endless amount of money and data to shell around. Water coolers, lousy coffee, dead fish and popcorn smells permeating your leftover beef with broccoli, community refrigerators filled with moldy food with Steve’s name written on them in Sharpie. Fuck you, Steve — come get your black Lasagna out of the fridge or I’m writing you up.
Oh, and lest we forget to put the right cover sheet on our TPS reports or we’ll have to hear about it from several of our 8 bosses.
It’s a horrible structure. We get paid just enough to keep showing up, but we’re slaves to the system. We are cogs in the giant machine. The sucky part is that this stupid job that pays me just enough to make me stick around takes up more of my time than I want it to, so I end up stealing…
