How to be regular-ish Let me tell you just how average I am. I am Median Man. My superpower is commonality. I possess qualities that not everyone wants, but some do. Maybe. I possess a less-than-excessive amount of mediocrity. And that’s just okay, I guess. I’m not the best at…

And she almost had me — A few weeks ago I wrote about how I almost married my siren. I thought I’d start by explaining exactly why I call her that. It’s about more than just one car accident. First of all, she was evil. Okay, maybe that’s not fair. There was, and likely is, always…

What’s your favorite cover song? — Bands use cover songs to show appreciation for their influences. They’re a staple for encores at live shows and performances of all kind. Sometimes a band’s most popular song is actually a cover of someone else’s, and once in a while a cover actually becomes more popular than the original. …

When she asks, you go for a ride. — My daughter is nine years old. She seems too little to want to do crazy things, but she’s growing quickly and wants to try stuff. She has some emotional challenges that we’re working through, and I know about them because she’s like I was as a kid, but, like, way…

There’s nothing like coming to your senses in the back of a police car in handcuffs — The back of a police car is one of the least comfortable places to sit for so very many reasons. I was on my way to jail. It shouldn’t have been the first time or the last time, but it did happen. Going out drinking was just what we did…

For a lifetime of pain — I was 17 by the time I got my license because I just didn’t care much. All my friends drove so it didn’t seem that important. The reason it’s so scary for parents to let their kids go driving around on their own is because they’re behind the wheel of…

And what exactly is a Latchkey kid? — My friends have always been older. I’ve always wanted to be older. It’s a universal kid thing to want to be older because they’re stupid and don’t realize that older means having to actually do things. Like, who wants to do more things? People that don’t have to do things…

June 2022 Doctor Funny 12-Word Challenge — Scottsdale, AZ — In a strange twist, California resident and closet Republican Carlos Garbiras went on a mission recently to hunt down an evil fetus. After leaving a local craft whiskey establishment having skipped out on the check after downing four shots of $125,000 Macallan, Garbiras reportedly began ranting about…

May 30th, 2022 — They say things happen for a reason. Meeting KiKi Walter and the group at Suite 1984 has had a tremendous impact on me personally and has us making some noise at Songstories. I’ve been wanting to do a story featuring this song for a while anyway, so… So long, Aphasia.